My inner voice said I was not good enough

“I am good enough,” the yellow sticky note reads in thick black ink.

There are a few of them.

One on my computer monitor. Another on my bathroom mirror. One inside my work notebook, so I see it when I open it.

It was my therapist’s idea.

A mantra. An affirmation.

It’s meant to rewire my brain, where my inner voice for so long has told me the opposite. “You aren’t good enough or pretty enough or smart enough or . . . fill in the blank enough.”

Or, my voice provides the opposite end of the spectrum – that I am too much. “Too tall, too loud, too assertive, too masculine.”

Of course, all negative inner voices come from external input at some point in our lives. We don’t just wake up one day and decide we’re a piece of shit and not worthy.

I can track some of my self-esteem issues to specific events in my life, like moving and starting at new schools 13 times in 18 years. Or, being told I was stupid by a rude biology teacher. Or being teased endlessly for being a 12-year-old girl who stood at 5’8” and barely over 100 pounds.

It doesn’t matter how much I’ve matured, learned, experienced or grown as a person personally and professionally. My brain is often locked at 12 or 13, where every external cue I received told me I was not good enough.

The dichotomy between self-image and reality

I am good enough! 

Right now, I am staring at these words on my monitor, wondering why I still don’t believe this about myself.

I’m 35 years old. I have a good job. Beautiful children. I just bought my first home.

And yet, I know, fundamentally, I think it’s all a ruse. At some point, everyone will find me out. I’ve just been playing a role on the stage, as I’ve done since I was four years old. I am a good actress.

That’s the narrative that plays in my head when I am in my dark place.

Of course, the imposter syndrome is a well known issue that the vast majority of people on this planet feel at one point or another. However, it’s not so much that I feel like an imposter. I just feel inferior.

If I was to step back and see myself from the outside, the facts would not align with my perception.

This affirmation is not to just be read casually once in a while. No, I am to intentionally say the words out loud as often as I can. Up to 100 times a day.

Everyday, when I get up in the morning and go to the bathroom, I look into the mirror and read my affirmation. I feel ridiculous, even though no one is around to hear me.

However, I can tell it is working.

After days of reading and stating it to myself and the world, something is changing. Just a flicker, like a candle when it’s just lit and starts to glow. Not fully formed, but a growing warmth in my core, starting to believe that this person is good enough. That I am worthy of all I have, and none of this is luck.

The power of personal affirmation

I was reminded of the first time I exercised this intentional affirmation, some 20 years ago, during a few recent conversations. These interactions reminded me how many people suffer from feeling worthless. Fundamentally, believing they are not good enough.

First, I met with a professional woman introduced to me by a mutual friend who asked to speak with me and get some career guidance.

This woman built a successful consulting business that was acquired. In addition, she had just recently been offered a job with Amazon. And yet, as we talked, it was clear to me that she did not feel worthy. The alpha-male tech industry has seeped into her psyche, making her question herself and her capabilities.

“I want to be a powerful, impactful woman like you,” she said with all sincerity.

“No, you don’t,” I replied without hesitation. “You want to be the powerful, impactful woman YOU are.”

“In many ways, you have already surpassed me,” I stated. “Look at the facts of your success. You built a business from scratch and made it so successful a larger, regional company acquired you. Now, you are taking all your knowledge of automation, cloud computing, and IT infrastructure and applying it to the largest public cloud provider in the world.”

“Anyone looking at you from the outside would be amazed by you,” I added.

Of course, I had to add a sarcastic jab: “Oh, and I’ve heard Amazon hires real dummies.”

Even the most successful people doubt themselves

I am POWERFUL!

It’s the same story.

Over time, her inner voice allowed external negative input to become the truth. Now, her own self-identity believed she was not good enough, not powerful enough.

We then talked about intentional affirmation, and about my sticky notes.

“I know it sounds simple, but just try it,” I encouraged her.

“What do you want to say to yourself to start to change your inner critic to inner champion,” I asked.

She thought about it for a bit.

“How about, ‘I am powerful’?” she asked.

I hesitated. The word “powerful” took on a negative meaning in my head.

As if she read my mind, she explained, “not as powerful as in greedy power or aggressive power, but powerful as in I am in command of my own story and of my own life. I can do this.”

“I love it,” I agreed.

Using intentional affirmation to stop feeling worthless

I am Worth It! 

The second recent situation was with my son, who is struggling with his own confidence and self-esteem. As any mother will tell you, there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching your own child feel unworthy of this world.

We talked about this, and while I don’t feel comfortable sharing the details of our private, emotional conversation, I will share the outcome.

He decided to write down an affirmation on a bright green sticky note and try stating it out loud as many times as possible each day.

His affirmation is: “I am worth it.”

Simple. Powerful.

He is so worthy of this world, and I can’t wait for him to believe in this amazing worthy person we see and love.

Taking a stand for yourself

What is your inner voice telling you?

Could you use a little positive, intentional affirmation?

You have the power in your own voice, actions and words to change the current in your brain from negative to positive.

What affirmation will you write down on sticky notes and repeat at least ten times (or a hundred) per day?

Share it with us in the comments if you are willing, so we can share in your journey of affirmation.

You are good enough. You are worthy.

It’s time to start believing what the rest of the world knows!